First of all, let’s be clear:

Menopause is not “a phase.”

It’s a full personality arc, character development, and a side quest you didn’t ask for — but here we are.

Your hormones are doing backflips, your emotions are auditioning for an Oscar, and your body is like:

“Oh, you thought we were done with surprises? Cute.”

So let’s walk through this journey… together… holding iced water...or a jug of wine.

1. Perimenopause (a.k.a. “What Fresh Hell Is This?”)

Usually hits somewhere between 35–50.

This is the stage where your hormones start declining, but in a “drunk elevator” pattern.
Up, down, sideways, crying, laughing, rage, snacks, repeat.

Common Symptoms:

• You’re sweating — but also freezing.

• Your period arrives like an uninvited toxic ex — whenever it wants.

• Irritability set to 9000.

• Anxiety pops up like: “Hey girl, miss me??”

• Brain fog so thick you walk into rooms like: why am I here? who am I? What is life?

Your ovaries, meanwhile:

“I’m not stopping… I’m just… taking creative liberty.”

2. Menopause (The “Official” One-Day Milestone)

This is literally just the moment when it has been 12 months since your last period.

One day.

One.

After all that chaos, menopause itself is basically like:

trumpets “Your period has exited the chat.”

The end of the monthly blood ritual.

A historic event.

Pour one out (preferably electrolytes, because hydration matters now).

3. Post-menopause (The New Era)

Welcome to the phase where your hormones finally settle down, but your body leaves a note:

“Please lift weights now, or we are becoming oatmeal.”

Common Experiences:

• Mood stability improves (hallelujah).

• Metabolism: “We run a tighter budget now.”

• You look at people differently and think:
  “I don’t have time for this nonsense.”
  And you are correct.
  

This is the Queen Era — boundaries, peace, strength, no longer pretending.

The Emotional Rollercoaster Nobody Mentioned

During menopause, you might catch yourself thinking:

• “Do I still like my life?”

• “Why does everyone talk so loudly?”

• “What if I just shave my head, move to Italy, and become mysterious?”
  

This is normal.

You are not losing yourself.

You are rebooting.

How to Survive (While Also Becoming Iconic

1. Lift Weights

Because bones matter.
And we are not going out hunched like Victorian ghosts.

2. Eat Protein

Yes, more than that.
No, not just the bite of chicken.

3. Breathe. Slowly.

Your nervous system is doing Cirque du Soleil in there.

4. Community

Because doing this alone makes you feral.

The Truth (The Good Part)

You’re not fading.
You’re not breaking.
You’re not “getting old.”

You’re becoming a woman who no longer tolerates her own abandonment.

You are entering your Second Act — the one where you:

• Say what you mean

• Stop entertaining nonsense

• Take up space

• And finally feel alive again
  

Honestly?

Menopause is the origin story of the woman who becomes unstoppable.

And she’s you.

(bone-snappy, sweaty, glorious you.)